PREVIOUS EDUCATIONAL SECTION AND PREVIOUS CHAT WITH RAMONA

Educational Section #1 how to cut a cigar
don’t be an idiot all your life… learn something 

HOW TO CUT A CIGAR: Identify the correct end to cut. If you can not do this then just give the cigar to someone for Christmas and tell them you purchased it for them. Smoking is clearly not for you.
An improper cut will ruin the cigar, which will make the end split or the wrapper will unravel. Since you have just spent good money on this cigar you will not want to have it unravel in your hand.

There are 3 types of cuts:
1, The Straight, Guillotine cut: Look at the head of the cigar and you will see the cap.The cap is a round piece of tobacco that is glued to the head to keep the wrapper togetheperfect cutr. There is a distinct line where the cap ends. Only remove the outer layer of the wrapper, do not cut down any further!! Just cut off enough so you can see the filler.

2. The “V” cut: This cut provides a bigger draw by cutting deeper into the the head of the cigar. Yes, gentlemen,  it is true that bigger is not always better. The V cut sometimes allows too big of a draw, making the cigar smoke burn too hot. Occasionally too big and too hot is just too much. Also, If you chomp on your cigars I don’t recommend the V cut as the wedge will collapse and close the draw.

  1. The Punch, Bullet cut: This cut is used to cut a small circular hole in the cigar’s cap. I find that this makes the draw is too tight, because less air pulls through the shaft when sucking, Sucking hard usually a good thing, but in the wrong setting sometimes can become tiring. This method can also restrict the amount of smoke that your cigar can produce. The one positive note is that the small hole keeps the cap of the cigar mostly intact, therefore it will leave fewer tobacco flakes in your mouth, but if you can’t handle a few pieces of tobacco in your mouth then smoking is not for you-go play Scrabble.

Cutterbiting cigars work great, but in a pinch there are a lot of other options: bite it, use a pocketknife, a fingernail, a ball point pen cap, I’ve even seen a guy use a screwdriver.

The experts recommend the straight cut to remove the cap, but I prefer the Deep V cut.  At this point it is probably apparent that I proceed with life as I like, not always doing what is expected, so if you are like me, you can cut the damn cigar however you like. You paid for it, it’s a free country, just bite the end and spit it in the street for all I care.

On my recent trip to Greece I did not have a cutter on board the ship, so biting and spitting into the sparkling blue Mediterranean water worked quite well for me…………
A Beautiful Cigar Touches All Of My Senses…
MMMmmmm…..  Love You, Ramona

 

 

EDUCATIONAL SECTION ENTRY #2
don’t be an idiot all your life… learn something…

Burn, Baby, Burn…………..

Even the best cigars will sometimes burn unevenly or simply go out. You can handle these situations in many ways, but my excellent instructions will save you from having your premium cigars end up tasting like shit.

Pre2015-05-12_15.52.19mium cigars are typically rolled by hand, by actual people…not rolled by machines like cigarettes.  If you get a tight cigar or one that burns badly, remember: the person that rolled your cigar may have been at work that day with a hangover, or was distracted by her co-worker, who may have been complaining about how Enrique doesn’t spend enough time in the sack, rather than paying attention to rolling your stick. Shit happens.

Devoting 30 seconds to lighting your cigar correctly has a tremendous impact on how it burns. (Unless the subject is sex, most of the men I know have a limited attention span, so I will discuss lighting a cigar in a future entry.)

Storing your cigars at an improper level of humidity can significantly fuck up the way your cigar will burn. If it is too dry, it will go up like kindling; too humid, and it will burn too slowly, which may also cause canoeing and tunneling.

Also, consider this: Did your cigar leave the arid Dominican Republic wrapped in bubble wrap, stored in an air-conditioned warehouse in Miami for three months, then shipped to a distribution center in Wisconsin where it sat for two more months, and then into a hot postal truck for two days? When it arrives at your house or the smoke shop it is NOT YET READY TO SMOKE. Your cigar is tired from its travels; let it rest in your humidor for a few days at a peaceful 70% humidity. It will appreciate this and the flavor will even out once it has had a chance to relax a bit.

I will only cover two topics concerning burning (remember the attention span issue): Canoeing and Tunneling.
CANOEING:  Canoeing is simply when your cigar burns unevenly.  Ideally, a cigar should burn evenly from start to finish, like a good first SAMSUNGmarriage (which may burn out due to lying, fighting, financial problems, and lack of blowjobs)…. Fortunately, unlike a relationship, you can easily keep a cigar going. A properly-rolled cigar that started out burning unevenly should correct itself within half an inch. If it doesn’t, you will need to assist.

To get back to an even burn line, touch up the side of the cigar that is not burning as quickly with a hot flame. For gentle touchups, don’t use a triple-flame torch lighter and scorch the entire end; use a single-flame torch and gently light the side that is not burning. Be precise: just as when you’re going down on your woman, you don’t want to lick everything all at once like a melting ice cream cone…you want to lick each individual part gently and slowly.  Keep the flame away from the cigar! Do not touch the tobacco with the flame, but rather place the flame close enough so that the lighter heats the tobacco. Let it warm up and then put it to your mouth and draw gently upon it.  Don’t set the damn thing on fire, just heat the unburned portion. Repeat this as necessary until the burn line is even.

A common cause of canoeing is taking three or four puffs of your cigar to create a roomful of smoke. This will overheat the tobacco. All you need is one good draw, or one puff and then one draw.

Rotate the cigar so the faster-burning part is on top and slower on the bottom. A fire needs oxygen to burn, and heat rises…so the bottom of the cigar will tend to burn faster.

If it’s still burning unevenly, then let the cigar cool for a moment, cut off the uneven foot with a good cigar cutter, relight it and then purge (blow out through the cigar onto the flame of your lighter) to get rid of any harsh residue.

TUNNELING: Tunneling occurs when the filler tobacco (interior) burns faster than the wrapper and binder (exterior layers) causing a tunnel to form inside the cigar.

When the cigar is not smoked quickly enough, or left in sitting in the ashtray (while you are sitting with me in the smoke shop, engrossed in an amazing conversation, for example), the tobacco continues to smolder but the wrapper and bintunnelingder extinguish.  When you pick up the cigar or tap it on the ashtray, the center will fall out and you will see a tunnel in your cigar. All you need to do is gently relight it; I recommend using a single-flame torch lighter so you don’t set the poor thing on fire.

As we discussed earlier, if you were paying attention: Keep the flame under the cigar; do not touch the tobacco with the flame, just close enough so that the lighter heats up the tobacco. If you suck too hard the flame will go into the middle of the tunnel, which is a drag. (Save that hard sucking for something else…). Once your cigar is burning properly, you should again purge (blow out) to expel the harsh residue.

If you still can’t get your cigar to burn evenly after all these fabulous directions, then forget it: the two of you were just not meant for each other. Throw it out. Couples counseling will not help you here…just get a new cigar and hope things are better next time. And if you continue to have problems, consider this: the problem may be YOU!

A note concerning RELIGHTING: All the experts recommend NOT relighting a cigar that has been out for more than one hour. In a perfect world I would agree, but my world is MY WORLD, motherfucker, and while I am certainly not perfect, I do what I want. Sometimes I only have enough time to smoke half a cigar, and I don’t want to throw the other half away, so I will smoke the remaining half later or the next day, ‘cause that’s just how I roll.
A Beautiful Cigar Touches All Of My Senses…
MMMMmmm… Love You- Ramona

 

 

EDUCATIONAL SECTION ENTRY #3
don’t be an idiot all of your life… learn something…

The Art of Blending Tobacco…….. Let’s take a moment to discuss the craftsmen who masterfully create the sensual, cylindrical objects that we light, grasp, and suck upon. The process involved in creating a handmade long-fill cigar is so complex that merely reading about it boggles my little mind.
Master Blenders are true artists, as it is a meticulous process that requires a discriminating palate. The number of unique tobacco-field[1]flavor and taste combinations is practically infinite….just as when two people press their lips together in a passionate kiss, an infinite number of tastes and blends come together in their moist, warm mouths.

curing

curing

Each blend is put together using a variety of tobacco leaves, creating a precise “recipe” for each cigar. Much like cooking, blending tobacco is a matter of combining different fillers with various binders and wrappers to create a specific cigar-bunching2[1]flavor combination. The palate recognizes 4 main tastes; sweet, salty, bitter, sour, and these elements are layered until the perfect flavor is achieved. The purpose of this blending is to give an identity to the cigar, a specific taste and strength that can be reproduced over the years.

Women each have their own unique taste (and I don’t mean in handbags), but a woman can taste different on different days. Some days a woman may taste sweet; other days she may leave a salty taste on your tongue. Unlike women, the flavor of my cigar must be consistent each time it is lit. The factory must work with raw materials coming from nature, not mass-produced components from a stockroom shelf.

When I select a cigar (an Espinosa Laranja, for example), I expect it to taste the same every time. I should not be thinking about the soil conditions in Nicaragua, if the fermentation process took two weeks longer than usual, or if the sun was shining too brightly on the crops; I am expecting it to taste the same every time I bring it to my lips. Considering the complex process required to create a fine cigar from seed to end product, this is no small task, and the blender is responsible for the commercial success of the finished cigar.

In contrast, you can go to the grocery store and purchase
mass-produced, short-fill cigars which are machine-made like cigarettes. This is like comparing a cheap vodka that burns your mouth and needs to be disguised in a fruity drink to a premium vodka that you can sip and savor with nothing but ice.20150718_163251

When I began smoking cigars three years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I used to smoke “factory throw-outs.”  Times were tough; a bundle of 20 cigars cost $19.99.  At that time I didn’t know any better, but since I’ve surrendered myself completely to premium cigars……
after allowing them to have their way with my senses……
I could never return to machine-made cigars. Ever.

Cigars bring me joy, enable me to relax, envelop my senses in a manner that a man cannot, allow me to enjoy a moment away from people; at other times they bring me together with people I would not normally hang out with. The relationship I have with my cigar is special.
It understands boundaries. It doesn’t lie to me. It provides unconditional happiness and satisfaction. I can choose a different cigar each day without worrying about hurting the feelings of the last one. And, as if that isn’t enough, it combines perfectly with my favorite food: chocolate.

At this point you should all know the most important aspect of a cigar to The Cigar Lady (and if you don’t know by now, then you will never, ever, ever know me): it must be smooooooth. If it’s not smooth, then it’s not a sensual experience because it does not touch my senses.
When you and your lover bring your warm bodies together, your bare skin touching, hearing the other person’s breath in your ear, opening your eyes just long enough to see the pleasured expression on their face below you, feeling their hands grasping yours, smelling their hot, musky scent as you explore their body, taste every inch of them as your tongue moves down to their most intimate parts…….
Now, now….. ALL of your senses are heightened.

Which means it’s the perfect time for a cigar! (Afterwa20151101_055205_resizedrds, I mean.)

Thank you, Master Blenders, for creating these remarkable cigars. They touch my senses in a multitude of ways and bring limitless pleasure to my life.

A Beautiful Cigar Touches All Of My Senses…
MMMMmmm… Love You- Ramona

 

CHAT WITH RAMONA;  Men need a woman’s opinion about the stupid things you might be doing in your relationships. Stop seeking advice from your male friends (who are also clueless). Instead, just ask me anonymously. Send submissions to thecigarlady@comcast.net

Dear Ramona,
I am a 53-year-old professional man who has enjoyed 15 years of marriage to my lovely, smart, compassionate and supportive wife. Our sex life is good and I am as attracted to her now as I was when we first met. Although admittedly my libido has always been greater than hers I’m pleased that we share intimacy on average 2-3 times per week.  That is until 6 months ago when my father in law passed away and my wife’s mother came to live with us. Since then my wife and I have made love exactly 3 times. Each time was when my MIL was away visiting my wife’s sister in another state. My wife simply will not consider having sex with me when her mother is at home in our house. I’ve discussed this situation on several occasions with my wife and the strain I feel this is putting on our marriage.  Her only response is that she cannot even think about sex when her mother is in such close proximity. Ramona, I love my wife and my MIL but putting our sex life on hold until her mother decides to take a trip out of town is driving me crazy. I’m beginning to wonder if my wife is using her mother’s living with us as an excuse to avoid intimacy with me. This situation is shaking my confidence and making my feel resentful toward my wife. Not to mention driving me crazy with repressed desire (extremely horny).  How can I make my wife understand that our intimacy is as important as sharing a household with her mother and return to a healthy sex life with my beautiful wife?
Help!!!Blueballed

Dear Blueballed,
I must immediately comment on the fact that until this MIL (mother in law) situation arose, after 15 years of marriage, that you were still having sex 2-3 days per week? Congrats on that!!!  Most wives stop giving it up with their husbands after 4 years, then provide a lackluster performance on anniversary’s and birthdays. I think that this is a ridiculously stupid move on the part of the wives/girlfriends because if you don’t keep your man happy then someone else will. Women don’t realize it’s a lot easier for a man to ‘step out’ than they think.

I don’t think that she using her mother as an excuse to avoid intimacy with you, I think she is genuinely freaked out. I am assuming that all of the bedrooms are located on the same floor in your house, so the close proximity is a definite problem. If you lived in an estate where everyone had their own wing in the house, I don’t think this would be an issue.

I think that you should plan a night out, take her to dinner and an expensive local hotel. Don’t speak about the strain the lack of intimacy is putting on your marriage as you have already taken that approach. As you make love to her in the hotel, or immediately afterwards, talk about how beautiful she is, how sensual she is, how good you both are at pleasing each other sexually, and how you can’t stand not connecting with her on this level.  Recommend going to a hotel twice a week, and she will realize that will not be cost effective. Somehow work in the fact, be sly, that so many of the guys you know on the golf course or wherever you talk to the guys, are having affairs because they are not getting anything at home.

Let me know how everything progresses……… Love You- Ramona

 

 

Five of the cigars that I have reviewed, beautifully assembled in a sampler pack to touch your senses…. click on the link below…

5 Cigars to touch your senses
Ramona
Ramona
Ramona
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