Dear Ramona, I am a 53 year old professional man who has enjoyed 15 years of marriage to my lovely, smart, compassionate and supportive wife. Our life together hasn’t been perfect but through complete honesty and openness we’ve always been able to “work out” any problems that have come up in our marriage. Our sex life is good and I am as attracted to her now as I was when we first met. Although admittedly my libido has always been greater than hers I’m pleased that we share intimacy on average 2-3 times per week. That is until 6 months ago when my father in law passed away and my wife’s mother came to live with us. Since then my wife and I have made love exactly 3 times. Each time was when my MIL was away visiting my wife’s sister in another state. Wife wife simply will not consider having sex with me when her mother is at home in our house. I’ve discussed this situation on several occasions with my wife and stressed to her the strain I feel this is putting on our marriage. Her only response is that she can not even think about sex when her mother is in such close proximity. Ramona, I love my wife and my MIL but putting our sex life on hold until her mother decides to take a trip out of town is driving me crazy. I’m beginning to wonder if my wife is using her mother’s living with us as an excuse to avoid intimacy with me. This situation is shaking my confidence and making my feel resentful toward my wife. Not to mention driving me crazy with repressed desire (read horny). How can I make my wife understand that our intimacy is as important as sharing a household with her mother and return to a healthy sex life with my beautiful wife?Help!!!Blueballed#motherlinlaw
Dear Blueballed, I must immediately comment on the fact that until this MIL (mother in law) situation arose, after 15 years of marriage, that you were still having sex 2-3 days per week? Congrats on that!!! Most wives stop giving it up with their husbands after 4 years, then provide a lackluster performance on anniversary’s and birthdays. I think that this is a ridiculously stupid move on the part of the wives/girlfriends because if you don’t keep your man happy then someone else will. Women don’t realize it’s a lot easier for a man to ‘step out’ than they think.
I don’t think that she using her mother as an excuse to avoid intimacy with you, I think she is genuinely freaked out. I am assuming that all of the bedrooms are located on the same floor in your house, so the close proximity is a definite problem. If you lived in an estate where everyone had their own wing in the house, I don’t think this would be an issue.
I think that you should plan a night out, take her to dinner and an expensive local hotel. Don’t speak about the strain the lack of intimacy is putting on your marriage as you have already taken that approach. As you make love to her in the hotel, or immediately afterwards, talk about how beautiful she is, how sensual she is, how good you both are at pleasing each other sexually, and how you can’t stand not connecting with her on this level. Recommend going to a hotel twice a week, and she will realize that will not be cost effective. Somehow work in the fact, be sly, that so many of the guys you know on the golf course or wherever you talk to the guys, are having affairs because they are not getting anything at home.Let me know how everything progresses………
Love You- Ramona